Foreigners living in Thailand "honeymoon period" and experience cycle

 

I'm sharing an answer I recently wrote for a Quora question here; it was this:

Why do so many foreigners living in Thailand wear rose colored glasses and have this attitude that Thailand and Thai people can do no wrong?

Kind of a biased framing for that general question content; foreigners new to Thailand don't seem like that to me.  But there is a related cycle of experience people tend to go through, often starting with seeing everything about Thai culture and Thailand very positively, gradually transitioning to a more balanced or even negative outlook over time, so it's close enough, just not really summarized as "Thai people can do no wrong."  The first time a tuk-tuk driver quotes you an unfairly high price for a trip that seems a bit off, and most people would experience this in the first few days.

That post answer is definitely long and detailed enough, without any more framing or clarification, so I'll just cite that as the post text following.

The first answer that comes to mind relates to a conventional cycle of perspective change over time, to a “honeymoon period” that people experience, foreigners new to living in Thailand. The idea is that over the first year or two everything is novel and positive, and any negative differences are minor in comparison. Then the standard idea is that people tend to see it all as more balanced later on, and often become bitter about differences and more negative side seeming to stand out all the more many years later. Of course that would relate to having specific negative experiences, like a divorce, or failed business.

Oddly I like Thailand and feel more at home than I ever did in those first few years, 15 years after moving here. I think that’s because I didn’t follow a more conventional path of extending vacation experience to life circumstances, moving to Thailand to live a beach life, or to pursue new relationships. I was already married to a Thai, and working in a new type of position was a real challenge, with having a baby added to that within the first year (14 months after the move, but about that). I moved to Thailand because of visa issues, or more so related to a scholarship clause of my wife’s requiring that we either leave the states or give back a lot of money that we really didn’t have.

Back to the convention about a cultural perspective learning curve, the idea is that people aren’t a good judge of local perspective difference early on, and mistake a Thai outward pleasantness and cheerfulness for genuine good will and happiness, then later they realize that these are just communication and demeanor norms. That seems partly true to me; it’s a bit like that. Thais do tend to have mixed feelings about foreigners, seeming very open and positive at first, then later it’s not difficult to notice limitations to that, and another side. Negative interactions would occur, eventually, or a limitation in the range of how you can interact with others.

Foreigners, especially white Western foreigners, tend to be seen as all one thing, or viewed through a lens of a narrow range of stereotypes (professional foreigner, backpacker, English teacher, sexpat, etc.). Most foreigners living in Thailand do fall into one of those categories, but being interacted with as a known and simple type isn’t always positive. Early on, and in the simplest possible forms, that type is generally positive; foreigners are automatically granted a relatively high social status, somewhat equivalent to being a relatively upper class Thai. Later it’s clear that this is only a superficial place-holder for not really knowing how to place foreigners, with people erring on the side of being more respectful.

In the past there was a certain degree of Thai cultural perspective “looking up to” Western culture, which has largely been replaced now by a feeling that Thais are “as good as” anyone else. A bit of uncertainty and insecurity might go along with that, which could easily lead to resentment; “why does that guy think he is any better?”

Then other factors enter in, like language limitations. It’s easy to explore a new environment based on very limited depth of interaction with others, but it prohibits later deeper exploration, and more meaningful exchange. Early on foreigners visiting or living in Thailand wouldn’t be clear at all about the complexities of normal Thai life and perspective, which could come across as positive, as a lack of negative factors, but then later not being “in on” others’ actual worldview could be regarded as very limiting. Some of the “rose colored glasses” limitation mentioned in the question could relate to foreigners just not understanding Thai culture, perspective, or life experience early on, and embracing the experience of positive and superficial aspects. It’s easy to love the beaches, the novelty of a completely different environment, or people seeming friendly, without being aware of limitations or more negative aspects for quite some time.

I don’t want to make it seem like there aren’t very substantial, positive, meaningful aspects of Thai culture that are unique to Thailand. There are, and my life experience has been very positive in general for a long time (although that woman on the right in that photo is certainly not smiling a majority of the time). And there are also subtle limitations and negative aspects, which take time to understand and relate to.