Christmas in Waikiki

I usually write about reverse culture shock themes, or running, when I'm back here in Hawaii.  We moved here 3 1/2 years ago, mostly so our kids could experience the US education system, and Keoni is half a school year away from graduating high school.  Kalani has experienced middle school for the first time this year, a big change from earlier elementary / grade school experience.  This won't mostly be about them; they would just as soon stay anonymous online, so even mentioning them breaks form.

Christmas has been nice.  I guess I've not experienced a Christmas here in nearly 20 years, back when Eye and I went to grad school in the University of Hawaii (at Manoa), where we met.  It would've been 19 years ago now.

It never feels completely like Christmas in the tropics, related to the winter expectation, but that's familiar in Bangkok.  There mostly malls and hotels decorate, and office buildings put up some token lights and a tree.  You don't hear the Christmas carols there, but that music does play around here, in Honolulu stores.  They put up lights as a city display, in two different places; that was nice.

I could add, about the kids, that we are terrible at observing holiday traditions in both cultures, but did ok for pulling together some token gifts this year.  Kalani's favorite gift was something she said that she wanted, seeing it in passing, an inexpensive karaoke system.  It's tiny, so small the speaker and microphone would fit in a woman's purse, but the function is decent.  It can play music through a bluetooth connection; the technology is mature enough now.  And it was so inexpensive; people buy coffee drinks for almost as much.

Keo's favorite gift was probably an above average quality headphones set, and he also got a Lego car set, both things he had mentioned wanting.  They were surprised; we usually drop the ball.  We didn't do much else for observance, walking around Waikiki some that day, but it was nice, spending time with family, even cooking basic meals.

Maybe adjusting to local culture, or the US version, went better this time, since I was last here 3 months ago.  For whatever reason I don't need any adjustment time back in Bangkok, in Thailand, but here it feels a little strange for the first week or two.  

Of course we are living in a tourist resort as a main residence area (for us), so that part is unusual.  I did that back in Colorado for a decade or so, in a different life phase, in a ski resort, in the Vail Valley.  It didn't seem so unusual then.  Lots of vacationers were visiting, but then it takes a lot of locals to support that particular industry.  Here resident locals might seem a little less integrated, since there isn't an isolated resort community; Waikiki is within a city of half a million or so people.

One part I always struggle to place is the emphasis on consumption, in local culture, to the extent it makes sense to call it that.  On vacations that seems relatively transparent, that of course you go there to eat special meals, to participate in special events or activities, and it all keeps costing money.  As a local there's a lot you just aren't doing.  Of course I don't miss whale-watching outings or luaus, but everywhere you go everything you see is oriented towards a tourist spending money.  

Even with the ocean right there, which you can experience for free, people rent or buy beach chairs or snorkels, or hire guides to take them places they probably could go, like to go snorkeling.  At least the tourists do visit the beach.  Surfing they couldn't do on their own; plenty take lessons for that.

Tourists don't always do much with the beach theme though.  A chance earlier life-phase contact visited in the Spring and her family seemed to barely see the beach, for doing guided outings to different places.  It seemed odd.  Seeing Pearl Harbor makes sense, or a waterfall somewhere, but the Polynesian Cultural Center doesn't really accurately represent Polynesian culture.  It's ran by Mormons, so it's like a Disney version of cultural summary.  

My Thai family loves that place, so it's not all bad.  Fire dances and whatever else are fine; there would be some historical basis for all of it, even though it also surely includes plenty of interpretation.  Any cultural summary would be like that, so I don't intend that as a unique form of blame.  It would be touchy summarizing "white American" culture, since half of what I valued in the late-middle of the 20th century might seem politically incorrect now, things like Thanksgiving, or pledging allegiance, that form of indoctrination.

This branches a little further into my own musing, not about local experience, but lots of this consumption-oriented tourism ends up dividing people into economic categories, more than they really need to be.  It's not about a intentional, central guiding "them" causing that, it evolves organically.  If you can spend $400 to 500 on a hotel that's who you will be surrounded by, and if you need to seek out "budget" alternatives it's a different class group.  Activities, and all sorts of other offerings, will naturally divide out from there.

At least people can still dress casually regardless of what context they end up within, and nature is still available to everyone.  Not a very natural version of it though; it is an intentional limitation, that tourists are steered to stay within either Waikiki or other appropriate areas.  In online discussion groups it's taboo to mention anywhere else.  I remember someone mentioning my favorite local beach, which isn't too far out of the way, and someone commented that they don't even tell their local Honolulu family members about that, never mind tourists in a broad Facebook group.  There are many more isolated places locals would never mention.  Not that it matters so much; going where lots of other people go instead is comfortable, and easy.

This reminds me of a discussion about tourists being airlifted from a popular local hike, which is definitely no secret, the Koko Head Crater hike.  It's essentially a set of stairs up an old rail line.  We've went up it twice, and to me once was already enough, given that context and theme.  If you get injured along the way it would be problematic getting yourself back down.  Of course locals were blaming people for not knowing their limits, which seems a little unfair to me.  How could someone know how they would react to hiking up over a mile of stairs, at a conventional steep incline?

It's a different story not knowing your limits about swimming in an ocean current, even within 100 meters of the shore.  Once you panic everything changes, and your danger level doesn't match what you might normally expect.  Once Eye and I were caught in a fast current just off a beach in Kauai, and she panicked, and even though she's normally a very strong swimmer it was all she could do to stay afloat.  The irony is that she can't sink in the ocean; salt-water makes you more buoyant, and when we would see sea turtles she couldn't swim down to get a closer look.  So out we went.  

A surfer girl was passing, and read the situation, and put Eye on her board, and she and I pushed her straight back in through that current.  Ordinarily the worst case is that you go out 100 to 200 meters and swim back in (a different way), but right there who knows.  We were at the "corner" of that island, and maybe we really would've been caught in a broader current, and headed out to Australia.

Enough of that tangent.  Tourists are safe and sound in crowded Waikiki beaches, in luaus, and overpriced happy-hour beach bars.  They sometimes feel an inclination to get out and see "the real Hawaii" but that's always a little contradictory, a tourist wanting to go somewhere tourists never go.

in a Waikiki McDonald's; a nice touch, the decoration

Homelessness and drug use

It can be hard to avoid touching on these darker themes when discussing US culture, but instead of adding more general perspective here I wanted to share a couple of unusual related experiences.

Of course I see mentally ill and drug-affected homeless people in Honolulu on a daily basis; it's almost not that big of a deal.  Until you are out late somewhere you shouldn't be, and then it is.  But we recently passed through one part of Chinatown, a sort of rough part of downtown, at mid-day, and saw two sets of people using drugs.  I see people smoke weed about a dozen times a day, but this was something else.  Two guys had a blowtorch and glass pipe of some kind; I guess that's crack?  Right in a crowded plaza space too; kind of strange.  It was a full-sized construction use blowtorch, along with elaborate glassware, straight out of a chemistry set; surely they could've used a smaller and functionally equivalent set-up.

We walked on to a bus stop where a guy was selling some sort of drugs, and one guy smoked some right there.  Off foil; I'm not sure what that means.  It was really something, seeing people walk up to buy drugs, and one guy smoking some.  He didn't react to doing the drugs all that much; that part was a little anti-climactic.  It all seemed normal enough to them, as if that bus stop was just their space for that kind of thing.  I guess it had good customer foot traffic?

It changes things a little seeing it, versus just knowing that's a part of where you live, and what those people are doing.  I don't mean "those people" in some sort of generalizing, negative sense; homeless people would surely all have different stories they're living out.  But at least a half dozen people are living that life, based on what we saw with our own eyes over the course of a half an hour or so.

Honolulu wouldn't be ok with tourists seeing that; it would get cleaned up in Waikiki.  Which reminds me; they had an extensive "spread Aloha" neighborhood watch sort of program before, maybe even back in the spring, and that's not going on now.  Maybe it's cyclic?  There are a few places that homeless people set up camp within 3 blocks or so of our house, with mats and bedding and such.  We don't live far from the zoo, for people familiar with this area.  I don't mean the sizeable encampment area by Paki park, or the outposts by the library, or the edge of the golf course, all within a 5 minute walk of the places I am talking about.  Over in Dillingham road there are whole homeless encampment villages.

Where am I going with all of this?  Nowhere, I guess.  It's a real issue.  That's not news to anyone living in any US city.

We always had a few homeless people around, 20 years ago, when I went to grad school here, maybe a half dozen or dozen you'd always see in Waikiki.  And many in other parts of the island.  But the numbers are different now.  I'm not the right person to shed light on what it means, the causes, or how to resolve it.  Of course I feel worse for those people than I do for myself for experiencing it, for being caused to see them.  

Having my kids be around relatively unstable people is a third thing; I also get it why people see it as a real issue beyond the aesthetic part.  In general not much violent crime is adjoined with homeless issues, but some it.  I've always discussed most themes with my kids, so talking about what drugs are and how they destroy lives is normal ground for us.  People smoke weed every 100 or so meters in Waikiki, so you get limited exposure to that other part of it everywhere else.

I should close on a happier note.  I met with online tea friends here this stay; that was a highlight of the trip.  They were here for the Honolulu Marathon.  I run, but I've never ran in an organized race, at least not since my teens, when I did run cross country and local 10ks.  I've been off running for half this stay, due to a minor tendon tear, and have been happy to get back to my normal route over the past week or so.  It's a fantastic place to run here, around Diamondhead.  It's a great environment for lots of reasons, and purposes.  The positives vastly outweigh the negatives.  I've been swimming even more, seeing sea turtles regularly, on a 200 meter route out in a lane from a local beach.

in Foster botanical garden, in Chinatown

with pineapple ice cream, sort of

gardening; we have two small boxes at Kalani's former school

One of the first photos from this visit, of Christmas decorations at home, from Kalani, our resident artist.  She made them for everyone, listing their favorite color, cat, and food, and Christmas wishes.

each cat's favorite cat was themselves.  I'm not so sure about that.

What a month of living in Hawaii is like

 

it's the little things, like walking Kalani to the bus in the mornings

walking back from a garden visit

Kalani's old school, where our garden is

I've been back in Honolulu for nearly a month, which means that my time is up, since my stay is only that long.  I've been "covering" for my wife, who is normally here with the kids now, and is finishing a course in dog grooming in Bangkok instead, due to return here soon.  

My kids are here for school; the idea was to relocate, 3 years ago, but switching work over never worked out.  Which is fine; it has made for some strange life circumstances, but working remotely has made it possible for me to spend 10 or 11 months here in that time, in 4 different stays.  Or about a year now, after this.

The point here is to cover what it's like being a part-time local, to explain how that relates to people visiting on vacation mode, and how it's different.  Of course on the work and life-theme side I've been responsible for a duties, helping manage the kids' education, running a household, shopping, cleaning, paying utilities, and so on.  This won't cover that; you know how that goes.  But if I only write about swimming, running, and hiking it will seem like I live out a vacation, but it's been hectic, and difficult.

Sometimes people say that it sounds like the best of both worlds, to spend time back in a lower cost setting (Bangkok), visiting Honolulu to appreciate the parts that don't necessarily cost a lot here.  We don't go to luaus, of course.  Parts are great, but the best parts are time with my kids, wherever we go.  We could live in a desolate wasteland and I'd still enjoy their company, maybe even all the more so.  But we don't, so I'll cover how it works out, being where people vacation to live instead.

ethical concerns / why transplants aren't welcome:  there's something to this.  The obvious counter to this theme is that US citizens are welcome to live in any of the 50 states, as Hawaiians are to move to the mainland.  But cost of living gradually keeps rising in Hawaii, while the economy tends to not support work in a way that follows that same increase.  But that's true in all 50 states, right?  Here it's different, where essentially all homes cost a million dollars, and even tiny apartments are expensive, while lots of people try to live on $15 an hour service or retail jobs.  

I went to UH, as my wife did, which makes us feel more at home here, but that changes nothing, related to a typical local perspective.  We live where transplants are "supposed to" live, at one edge of Waikiki, but that only tempers it so much.  People working remotely have probably added a bit more demand pressure, over the last few years.  I can't resolve this tension, or shed more light on it, I just wanted to address it, or at least introduce it.  It's a valid concern, and a complicated problem.  On to lifestyle and activity themes.

beach experience:  my son has had repeated ear infections, in part related to competitive swimming, so he hasn't been in the ocean in the past month.  And he doesn't like the beach, so he's barely walked by it, even though we live close enough.  My daughter has spent lots of afternoons with friends playing in the waves, with a bodyboard, staying out as long as she can.  One day they went out before noon and stayed until dark, after 7.  

I mostly go out to swim to a flag and back, a 500 meter or so round trip, which I do as often as I can (not daily, but not infrequently).  I run for exercise, so it's a rare chance to exercise my upper body, and it seems to help with running recovery.  The beach is fantastic here.  Waikiki being so crowded throws off a lot of the experience, but for locals you find ways that balance what you are into against what you don't like as much.

where I swim

one part of Waikiki

a lot of the rest of it

running:  I've been building back up to running my typical 12 km loop, around Diamondhead, then out and back the Ala Wai canal.  That was harder than I expected, since I took this summer off running, so busy with the kids visiting back there (in Bangkok), with lots of doctor's visits and errands.  And we got kittens; that deleted out my extra time for exercise.  I've ran that 12 km twice, but that's it.  It's so cool and pleasant an environment to run in that it's never enough, but it will have to be.

A final update:  a third 12 km run went ok, but I'll never "normalize" running that distance and intensity, on this trip.  I ended up walking a lot later that day, after running, and I've had back problems since.  My take-away is that it's a lot easier to stay in shape than to get back in shape.  It really was crazy how hectic that summer was though, and it's hard to not prioritize time with the kids over exercise.

over the side of Diamondhead; one part of where I run

the end of a 12 km route, coming back the Ala Wai canal

it looks much different at night

Diamondhead from Kalani's old school

hiking:  Keoni and I went out on two nice hikes, up Koko Head (volcano), and on a ridgeline at St. Louis heights, above Manoa valley (where the University of Hawaii is, where I went to grad school).  That's part of what threw off my run training, leaving a little extra time for hiking recovery.  It's a fair exchange, but as a runner one that I experience as a real cost.  I don't love the exercise function as much now, but I've always loved hiking, and with time spent with Keoni as a factor it wasn't anything to think through or weigh out.

It's easy to overlook how great a benefit that is, to have decent hiking available essentially within Honolulu itself.  We banged out a 45 minute up and back in the Manoa falls trail back in May; that's another good option, the main local one for tourists.  For tourists in good shape I'd definitely recommend getting some hiking in here.  Someone from my high school class visited from the mainland this year and not only did they skip hiking they didn't spend hardly any time at any beach, too busy with themes like the Dole Plantation or Pearl Harbor.  That's a mistake, as I see it. 

strawberry guava

more strawberry guava

other outings:  that was really about it.  There's a zoo nearly across the street, and nice museums here, but we just didn't get to that this time.  Now that I think of it I've not been to that local aquarium in the 3 years I've been here.  There isn't that much of an arts scene here but you could search out a concert performance or play, if you really wanted to, and we've seen those in the past, but not as much with the kids (not at all).  They're busy with their friends, or pursuing their own themes.  If we have an extra hour to spend going out for a walk is nice, to see a sunset on the beach, or wherever, sometimes to get ice cream at McDonald's.  Eye (my wife) thinks that's a terrible idea, eating low quality food, but it's about doing something they want to do, that doesn't add up to much time commitment or expense.  It's an hour well spent, even if it's not a good dietary input.

playgrounds:  this is one of the main attractions for local people with younger kids; I've spent a decent amount of time with Kalani at her old school playground, even on this stay.  The random shootings and kidnappings haven't hit in the same way here so lots of things are still more open, than they will be in a few years once that stuff escalates.  I just got a "stranger danger" notice in email yesterday, of someone trying to get a kid to go with them in a car; it's on the way.  But for now kids playing while supervised in a park seems to relate to no risk at all.  We just signed Kalani up to a "boys and girls club;" that sort of theme has been very helpful in the past, swapping out time staring at electronics for other activities.

malls:  there is a popular, well-attended mall here, Ala Moana, but we don't go there for hanging out.  We do go to Sam's Club and Wal-mart to shop near there, and less often to Target.  With the outdoor weather just perfect and so much park space there's no need to stay inside.  Last spring we got into playing pickleball, but we've let that drop since.  My wife took our racquets back (at Wal-Mart), not long into that exploration, wanting to buy versions back in Thailand, but that didn't work out, so we've moved on to whatever else.  I told her that was a mistake back then, but she was set on it.

some of the malls include throw-back themes

local foods:  you'd think there would be a good selection of interesting foods here, and to some extent that's true, but as poorer locals (we live on a Bangkok salary) we cook, and don't venture into cooking local Hawaiian foods.  For people who don't live in Bangkok Vietnamese or Chinese foods might be interesting options in the Chinatown here, but for Thais it's all way overpriced, and not better than "back home," or not as good as the best options there.  I bought us a nice pineapple a week ago, but there are lots of variations of those back in Thailand, where they cost much less.  

There isn't much here that isn't in Bangkok. 

gardening:  we inherited a local garden plot from a local Thai friend, so I've been doing a little gardening, and that helps add fresh basil to dishes.  I just made a fried okra omelette, with ham and fresh basil, for the kids for before school, and neither ate a single bite (not from okra from the garden; it's an example of how vegetables are hit and miss for them).  I wanted to buy more okra so that Kalani gets to eat it fried with bread crumb coating, the way she likes it, as a traditional Southern side dish, but time runs out, and I probably won't.

social ties:  we met Kalani's old best friend's family a number of times here, when they visited for a long vacation break.  And her other friend, visiting back from moving to the big island (called Hawaii; kind of confusing naming).  It has been nice visiting with neighbors, but that's about it.  I really don't mind my main social ties being two kids, and my wife's mother.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I would love to have visited with a local "uncle" here, but that hasn't worked out, yet, and I leave in a few days.

I kept trying to set up an informal tea tasting meetup, with neighbors, but it seems that won't go through either.  I did two successful tastings here, one with them, but it's kind of a stretch.

with a close family friend

spiritual ties to Hawaii:  it's hard to know how to describe this.  As a transplant I'm not even supposed to be here, according to a local convention.  It doesn't matter that I went to UH; you're not supposed to stick around.  All the same my wife and I feel a connection to the island.  I can't say that the island returns the feeling, or supports it.  I feel vaguely accepted here, and blessed; it's enough.

It reminds me of feeling an attachment to my neighbor's cats, who I have no business feeling any attachment to.  They're not mine to love.  But we connect with things organically, not always feeling the ties we are supposed to, and sometimes taking up those we aren't.  I've mourned the loss of contact with one of them, which hasn't worked out this visit, not so differently than I've lived out the temporary loss of my three girls back home (the other one), two babies and a grown cat.

It has become something of a running joke with my kids, as so many themes have.  Not about here, so much, but I'll make a Southern dish and comment about how that relates to my childhood as a Southern boy (which I'm not).  I accidentally told a neighbor here that "we are Thai," and my son corrected that, as "you're not."  I'm not.  I feel a deep connection to that culture, but I have no real claim to possessing it.  Second hand, by having Thai kids?

I'm reminded of a fellow expat telling me that if I stay in Thailand later on I'll feel equally out of place everywhere, and I guess that I've arrived at that, even back in my own country.  All the more so where I grew up, where I spent a month last October, visiting Pennsylvania for the first time in 8 years or so (most of my kids' lives).  I can look the part back there, or rather I did after getting a more acceptable local haircut, and can "do" the local perspective, but it's never a perfect fit.  If I tell them about fasting experience, or about life anywhere else, people take on an oddly blank look, as if trying to follow, but not getting it.  People are great about staying vaguely positive about meeting my mixed race kids, who are clearly also Asian, so that limited acceptance is enough.

perspective on tourists:  this is an odd theme.  Of course I have nothing against tourists; how could I?  It would be bizarre to blame others for visiting a place where I'm stuck in between being a local and a long term visitor.  I'll never be truly Hawaiian.  Then again most people on Oahu lack any native Hawaiian heritage, so that's kind of normal.

But my son is not as open about experiencing negative sides of tourism.  Tourists are loud, at time disrespecting local culture and traditions, or even the local natural environment.  They'll stand on coral, sometimes, damaging it, or crowd up close to a seal sunning on the beach (which I last saw twice in the past week; at time of one edit I almost stepped in to tell them to not let their 3 or 4 year old kids stand within a few feet of one).  Tourists and locals alike will throw off the experience of something as natural and easy to appreciate as a sunset on the beach by blasting loud music.

Of course it's easy to separate out which parts are a step too far; it's the standing on coral part.  But they miss what's best here by staying in crowded resort areas and rushing to visit crowded natural sites together.  Which reminds me:  we've barely visited our favorite park spot this time, the duck pond very near by our house.  No time to stop and smell the roses, on our part?  I'll get them to this weekend.  Later edit:  Keoni and I just walked by there.

No one wants tourists to step out of the tourist track and visit secret local beaches, or hikes.  I'm not saying that they should.  But for me the island has a magical feel, that you connect with when you leave yourself open to it, which won't happen in a hotel bar or shopping strip.  Maybe sunrise and sunset are good prompts for tourists to stop and take it in, since that kind of beauty is undeniable, and intense.  It's probably for the best that my daughter plays at the beach until it's quite dark; I've seen it a few times.

the dark side of Honolulu: is there such a thing?  Homelessness makes it feel less completely welcoming.  I don't worry about what the crazy people talking to themselves are going to do, but it can still be off-putting.  

To me immersive focus on materialism is more of an issue.  Hawaii is packaged for sale in Waikiki; you can just go sit on the beach, but there are a dozen things you "should" buy if you do so.  I walk over to swim wearing board shorts, carrying flip-flops (slippers), and a mask and snorkel, and to me it's a more joyful experience for traveling so light.  I don't have a phone, or money, just keys to get back in the apartment.  That's what tourists often seem to miss:  the experience of not buying anything for an hour, not experiencing any lack to satiate in such a way, while not looking at a tiny screen.  Hawaii is most fantastic when you are fully present.  Maybe that's even true on the bus, or in malls, but it's not the same there.  Parks aren't "real nature," but the vibe in those is worth taking in.

I just had an interesting experience talking with a local homeless guy.  It doesn't really tie this all together, but it puts a human face on the one darker side.  He was walking next to me on the sidewalk and asked about the tropical storm that just missed us.  We talked about that, and he told me that someone told him that a lot of the big island is going to break off and slide into the ocean, probably causing a tsunami.  I told him that some input from others might be unreliable, without really contesting that source or that prediction.  

He mentioned how it all seems to relate to the current "end times," and in a sense he kind of had a point related to that.  It does feel like things are changing, and especially that the US really is circling the drain.  But in Honolulu and Hawaii in general not so much.  This bit of Hawaii was really fantastic when I went to grad school here 18 to 20 years ago, and it hasn't changed so much.  The few changes were negative, mostly, but it's still great.  You don't feel the same kind of tension that can potentially arise elsewhere in the US, which in some places might even have a war zone feel to it.  People come to Hawaii to relax, and it's a great place for that.  Waikiki isn't as natural or pleasant as lots of other parts, but it's pretty nice too.

that float that we helped decorate, way back when

jungle

the best part of being in Hawaii is these guys, same as anywhere else

I don't have that many pictures of us three from this trip, but we got out some